When we are immersed in writing IEPs, we are often focused on all the important pieces that need to be entered into the document, and we should be! There is so much to add, and we don’t want to (and actually can’t!) leave anything out.
As we prepare for the actual IEP meeting, there are a lot of looming unknowns. We can never really know the questions or the suggestions that family members might share during the meeting.
While we focus a lot on what to add and what to say, we also need to know that there are a few red flags to avoid during an IEP meeting. Here are 10+ things not to say at an IEP meeting.
What Not to Say at IEP Meetings
“We only have an hour, so let’s get started!”
There is no way that you can be sure of how long an IEP meeting will last. This is a working document that has not yet been finalized, so it could be a while, longer than an hour (or whatever your expected allotted time frame is), to nail down a document that all team members are comfortable with.
However if all of your IEP meetings have a tendency to run over and over and over… try one of our IEP meeting agendas to help keep your team on track.
“We think your child could benefit from medication/a psychological evaluation.”
Any time a school team recommends something like this in an IEP or 504 meeting, it is now up to the school district to PAY for this service. It is really important to be extra careful in your wording as you bring up topics like this. Additionally, as an educator, it is important not to diagnose or anticipate needed medical interventions for a student. If you do believe a child could benefit from additional medical intervention, some alternative wording could be, “Have you consulted with your child’s doctor about this?”
“Have you considered medication?”
It is not the place of the IEP team to suggest that a child be medicated. That is for a doctor to address. (And, not to mention, most schools have a policy about school staff not being allowed to ask parents and caregivers about medication.)
“All/none of our students receive ESY services.”
ESY (Extended School Year) services are determined based on data, so to make a statement that all or none of your students receive ESY services is not an accurate statement. If a family asks about ESY, simply letting them know that it is determined based on student data collection that has not yet been completed is a completely reasonable statement. You can read more about explaining ESY to parents here.
Be mindful when having conversations about ESY with families, and make sure that your ESY decisions are based on more than “regression and recoupment”. Learn more about ESY data collection here.
“_____ can’t do this.”
IEP meetings can often be focused on the deficits of a child. Imagine how hard that would be for a family to hear shared over and over in a meeting. While we must be honest with families about the progress that their child is making, there are ways that the data can be worded to be in a more strengths-based, positive light. An example could be, “At this time, Bobby requires hand-over-hand assistance for all steps of hand washing.”
Learn more about how to write student-centered IEPs here.
“The BIP was created by the FBA and is required by FAPE”… or anything like that.
We want all of the team members to feel comfortable and included throughout the entire meeting. One sure way to isolate a family member, especially, is to start speaking in jargon! This is SO easy to do as a special education teacher – we love our acronyms! Talking about BIPs, FBAs, FAPE, LRE (etc.) is completely fine, as long as you break it down and explain what these mean. When everyone around the table feels competent, and like a real member of the team, the meetings will naturally be so much smoother and more efficient.
Speaking of acronyms, IEP’s are chalk full of them! Click the image above to download this brochure to help you and your team members learn the acronyms!
“We don’t do that here.”
If a child’s family member brings up a service or a support they would like to be added or considered for their child, it’s important not to shoot it down. The “I” in “IEP” is for “individualized”, so it is imperative that we keep that at the forefront. Plus, just because a child need’s a service or support that no other students in the school receive, does not mean it cannot be provided.
“There’s no way we can increase their minutes.”
Your district or school may typically only give a certain number of minutes per month or week for services, like Speech Language Therapy and Occupational Therapy, but that does not mean that is a rule or a law. If a member of the IEP team requests that minutes be higher and there is data to support it, it needs to happen and the team will have to create schedules to accommodate the needs of the student.
“Let’s move on.”
Regardless of the reason, using this type of language during an IEP meeting will inevitably make team members feel like they are being rushed. While time really should not be a barrier, it often is. It’s good practice to get in the habit of not rushing through sections of the IEP and offering enough time for a thorough understanding of decisions and collaboration to take place.
If you need help with staying on topic or keeping track of IEP meeting minutes, try one of our IEP meeting agendas.
That’s why using a meeting agenda can help! Check out this snippet from a live training in TII about creating IEP meeting agendas and using it.
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Learn more and become a member of The Intentional IEP today!
“_____ doesn’t need to be here.”
Whether you’re talking about the student themselves, a therapist, a general education teacher, or anyone invited to the IEP meeting, everyone should be around the table unless there is a formal excuse letter that is signed by the parent/guardian. There is a reason that there is a full IEP team and that their names are on the IEP document; they should be in attendance and fully participating, if possible!
“Your research is WRONG!”
Do you really need to be condescending and put down someone’s input? No. There are other ways to counter information that you believe is not accurate. Flatly discrediting something someone else says is not only unprofessional, it’s also rude.
“I know your kid better than you do.”
Even if you truly feel this way, never say that to a parent. Parents truly know their child better than any school professional does. It’s our job to work with the parent to make the IEP the best it can be for each student, and saying something like this only creates a divide amongst the team.
Get parents involved throughout the entire IEP process by using an IEP input form to gather information from them prior to the upcoming IEP meeting. Simple and easy!
“I couldn’t think of anything to put in the ‘strengths’ portion of his IEP, but we DEFINITELY have some BIG weaknesses to work on.”
There are always things you can put in the strengths portion of an IEP. Even if the student is struggling, there is always something that they do well. Again, IEPs should be strengths-focused, not deficit focused.
“I just copied and pasted the goal from last year.”
Even if the goal is very similar to what the student had the previous year, there should be some mention or wording of progress. If there’s not, the school is not doing their job.
Copying and pasting from one IEP to another, student to student or year to year is actually a big IEP writing no-no. Learn more about the top 3 IEP writing mistakes and how to fix them in this free webinar.
“I forgot to write a goal for that.”
Sometimes mistakes happen, and you might genuinely forget to write a goal for something. If that’s the case, try to word it in a way that doesn’t make you look negligent.
Grab our free goal bank PDF here, or join The Intentional IEP for access to our Intentional IEP Writing Course and searchable goal bank.
Learn how to bring in all stakeholders, from parents and families to general ed teachers, therapists, and other support personnel, to make your job easier and create better, more effective IEPs for your students.
Not sure how to create this dreamy, collaborative approach? We did the work for you! It’s all broken down step-by-step in The Intentional IEP. Order your copy here.
“I promise…”
As much as you would like to make promises about a child’s services or progress, it is not realistic and can be detrimental. Don’t make promises.
“We don’t have time to give your child all the services they need.”
We all know that contact minutes can be tricky when handling large caseloads, but every child needs the services and supports they need. Don’t ever insinuate that a child will not get what he or she needs because there are other children who need help as well.
“Your child has reached their potential.”
Telling a parent that their child has achieved all they will ever achieve in life is not only inappropriate, it’s cruel. All students can continue to grow and become, even if their growth is small compared to their peers. Never take away hope or pride from a parent.
“Yes, this is like what we do for _____!”
Talking about the IEP or the needs of a different student is not something that you can discuss in an IEP meeting. Not only are IEPs legal documents, they are confidential. Sharing about another student on your caseload, even if a family member asks about that student by name, is not something that is legal to do. Sometimes sharing this information may increase your validity or give proof of your knowledge about a topic, but it is still not legal to discuss – especially during an IEP meeting.
IEP meetings can be stressful, but when you really know the best way to make meetings go smoothly and effectively, the stress and the overwhelm of these meetings does fade. Being well-versed in what NOT to do can really help alleviate some of the stress of IEP meeting days. If in doubt, it’s probably something not to say in an IEP meeting!
