One of the things that does not get talked about much during teacher training is how to handle aggressive parents. While it should not be an issue, unfortunately, aggressive parents are not as uncommon. Knowing how to work with them and setting appropriate boundaries can make your life easier and less stressful.
If you have ever talked with veteran special education teachers, you know that not all parent-teacher interactions run smoothly. When IEPs and special education services are added into the mix, tempers can flare, and parents can become aggressive. Here are some ideas for dealing with parental aggression in meetings and communications.
Working with Aggressive Parents
Always Have an Administrator Present
When you are meeting with parents who you suspect will be aggressive or who you have dealt with aggression from, always make sure that your administrator is present. This not only provides you with a witness, but it also gives you someone to lean on during the interaction should it turn south.
It is also a good idea to cc administrators on all email communications in these situations.
Approach the Interactions with Parents from a Trauma-Informed Perspective and Empathy
Advocating for children with special needs is not an easy task, and with that fight comes a certain level of trauma. Approaching the conversations proactively and trying to establish a “we’re in this together” relationship can help lessen some of the aggression.
Keep in mind that all some parents know or have experienced is that they have to be aggressive to get their child the services they need. Sometimes a little empathy goes a long way to building that relationship.
Communicate the Positive
When was the last time you sent home a little good news? For parents of students who need services, the majority of their past communication with teachers and schools may have been more negative than positive.
Instead of focusing on what needs to be done, corrected, or changed, give parents a call each week with a positive observation or praise for the child. Not only will that help alleviate some of the parents’ anxiety and aggression, but it can make a huge difference in the child’s home life as well.
Document Everything
Document any and all interactions with parents so that there is a written record of what happened and when. If you are making calls, use a phone communication log to keep track of when you called, who you spoke with, and a detailed description of what was discussed.
Maintain Your Cool
No matter what happens during a meeting, do your best to keep your calm. A calm, steady tone can help diffuse a parent who is being aggressive.
Even if the parent is not respectful, take a deep breath and address them respectfully. You are in a position of power, and being disrespectful or short can make the relationship deteriorate quickly.
Know Your Own Boundaries
Some behaviors are unacceptable even while having a lot of empathy for parents and their situation. Know what your boundaries are and make sure your administrator knows and will back you up in those situations.
Your job is not to be verbally abused by families, and it is totally acceptable to set those hard limits for yourself.
Your mental health is the most important thing. Dealing with aggressive parents can be draining and, at times, frightening. Take care of yourself first, and make sure you have the support you need.
Your brain is juggling deadlines, data, goals, minutes, and meetings – no wonder it feels like IEP chaos all the time. That’s why The Intentional IEP exists. We take the weight off your shoulders with expert trainings, ready-to-go goals, and tools that simplify the process. Because you deserve clarity, not constant overwhelm.
