Parenting a child with special needs who has an IEP is a stressful, all-consuming experience. Oftentimes, there is a disconnect between parents and the school about services and expectations for the child’s progress.
It can be a daunting task for families to trust the school and their child’s teachers. They often feel unheard and dismissed, but their input can be highly valuable when it comes to helping their child.
Here are some things that parents want teachers to know about their child with an IEP. Some of the things may surprise you:
What Teachers Should Know
Parents have a lot to say about their child with special needs and rightfully so. They know their child best and have dealt with all of the struggles and triumphs that have come their way. So, as a teacher, what is it that parents want you to know the most? Check out their answers below.
Don’t tell me all of the things that my child may never do. Tell me how to help him do the things he can do.
Focusing on the negative all of the time is draining. Instead of taking away hope, help find fixes that will help the student succeed to the extent that he is able.
Please don’t judge.
Don’t make judgments about the child, the family, the living situation, or anything else related to the child. Simply help. Families of children with special needs get judged a lot. They just need your support.
Don’t take things personally.
Sometimes students with special needs communicate in ways that are different from what you do. Don’t take what they say personally.
Accept my child for who she is.
Don’t try to change or force a child to be someone they are not. Accept them for who they are.
My days are consumed with worry while my child is at school.
For parents of students with special needs, especially those who have children who are nonverbal, their days are often consumed with worry about their child. They are putting an incredible amount of faith in you as the teacher and hoping that you do your best.
Presume competence.
Never assume that the child cannot do something. Instead, presume that he can and work towards helping make that happen.
Be patient.
Give all children time to process. By increasing wait time and allowing children to process the information that you are asking them to respond to, you increase their odds of getting things right. Wait time is one of the most underrated, yet powerful, teaching strategies.
Be respectful.
There is not always a lot of respect given to families of students with special needs. Be respectful. Be kind.
See the child beyond the disability.
No matter what disability or challenge the child has, he is a child first. Look beyond the disability to see the vibrant child within.
My child is loved beyond measure.
Parents want teachers to know that their child is not just a number, a diagnosis, or a name on a case rooster. They are someone’s world. Each child is loved beyond measure and has a family that cares very much about their success and their welfare.
The “invisible” challenges are real.
Their child may look “fine” at times—but sensory overload, processing delays, fatigue, or emotional dysregulation can be just under the surface. What looks like “off-task” or “withdrawn” may be a child managing internal stress.
What “good days” look like at home.
Parents often see their child’s best abilities in the comfort of home, in safe environments, or when not under pressure. Sharing those “in-home” wins (what motivates them, how they self-regulate, special interests) can help teachers see the child differently.
Regression happens on breaks.
Children with disabilities often lose skills over summer, winter, or long holidays. Parents want teachers to understand that students may return needing review—even skills they had “mastered” before.
Consistency matters more than novelty.
Frequent changes—new routines, new staff, new classrooms—can destabilize a child more than you might expect. Predictability, even in small details (a familiar visual cue, daily structure), can be a lifeline.
The importance of peer relationships and belonging.
Academics are vital—but so is feeling “in.” When a child feels rejected, excluded, or misunderstood socially, it impacts learning. Parents want teachers to foster small social connections, scaffold friendship skills, and involve peers in inclusive interactions.
Their child’s emotional “currency.”
Sometimes children behave in certain ways not because of defiance, but because they’re emotionally overloaded, scared, or can’t express themselves. A meltdown may be a release, not manipulation. Parents want teachers to see that behavior is often communication.
That parents are walking a tightrope.
Advocating for supports, requesting meetings, handling paperwork, and pushing for services drains emotional and temporal energy. The weight parents carry all year affects how they show up—and sometimes makes them cautious about how often (or how strongly) they push.
Families are not expecting miracles, but they do expect teachers to treat their children kindly, with respect, and as individuals. As a teacher, you have the power to change the child’s life and that of his or her family.
Your brain is juggling deadlines, data, goals, minutes, and meetings—no wonder it feels like IEP chaos all the time. That’s why The Intentional IEP exists. We take the weight off your shoulders with expert trainings, ready-to-go goals, and tools that simplify the process. Because you deserve clarity, not constant overwhelm.